Sunshine and rainbows don’t live here anymore.

Hello friends. In the past two days I have been witness to two of the most depressing things I think I have ever seen in my life. They’ve both been eating at me, and I figured it may be best to work out my feelings by writing a bit about the experiences.

The first one happened yesterday. I was at goodwill shopping for new pants, because when I buy new pants, I like them to have been gently-used by strangers first. I was waiting in the checkout line when I looked over to the other register where a woman was emptying her cart. It was only meant to be a glance. Short and sweet. Not creepy. Just basic. Things quickly took a left turn and my eyes were glued to her when she plopped onto the counter two ginormous bags of maxi pads. It didn’t help that the bags were hot pink. I only hope that they weren’t used. Because, unlike pants, there is no way that one could “gently” use a maxi pad. Girls, youknowwhati’mtalkinbout. 

At any rate, I’m pretty sure there’s a name for the act of buying sanitary napkins at a thrift store. It’s called rock bottom.

The other situation of peril I stumbled into happened today at a gas station. I was buying bottled water and cigarettes (balanced lunch), when the two checkout clerks started up a conversation. It went as follows:

Clerk #1: So I was thinking about your trailer idea.

     Clerk #2: My trailer idea?

Clerk #1: Yeah, me and my husband are gonna sell our house and buy a trailer.

          Me (in thought): NOOOOOOOOOOO!

White trash of the world (in jubilant unison): YESSSSSSSSSS!

-end scene-

Clerk #1’s title has now been demoted. The coveted #1 spot cannot be bestowed upon someone who owns the deed to a double-wide. I’m sorry. I’ve been in several trailers before and most of them were actually quite nice. Unfortunately, I also used to work at a liquor store that was located in-between two trailer parks. I’ve seen the dark side, and I’ll have you know that it comes equipped with gingivitis and the phrase “No, you don’t have to put that beer in a bag. I’m gonna drink it during my drive home. Hiccup.”

And no, the trailers that I’ve been in are not related to the trailers that surrounded my place of employment. Well…except for one. Which is a story that I’d rather not talk about too much. I will tell you that it involved a very angry woman I worked with and her brother whose name was Lanny. At one point Lanny stated that the song “We’ve got tonight” by Bob Seger reminded him of his mother. That alone should give you enough insight as to how awesome my night wound up being.  

Anyways, I’m not really sure what the clerk formerly known as #1’s new title will be. Clerk#911? Clerk#40oz? Clerk#6969nascar? Who am I fooling? She’ll probably just be known as my neighbor soon enough. Karma is a big ol’ beotch, and I’m pretty sure that making fun of others is considered a bad thing. So, in closing, if you ever see me out purchasing maxi pads at a thrift store, expect an invitation to a “house” warming party to soon follow.